Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize