It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
