Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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