There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Randomize
