my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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