this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
