I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Little spoons don't ask big questions
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
