We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
