OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
