I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
