Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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