so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
