in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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