In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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