how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
