at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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