I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
