she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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