I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
