So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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