no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
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I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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