I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
