I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
