Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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