weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
