so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
