I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
