You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
