She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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