don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
