i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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