She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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