He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
