I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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