You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I will be naked everywhere
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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