someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
