I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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