Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
