if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
