So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
