the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
