making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
