Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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