Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
