the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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