Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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