Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize