I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
