That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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