That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
