I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
