she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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