I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
