By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
