apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
