Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize