rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
