Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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