We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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