turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
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perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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