i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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