great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
