oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
