I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
