I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
