she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
