no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize