even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
