so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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